YOU CHOSE ... POORLY (from AAP at Play!)

Written by Artists at Play founding member/producer Marie-Reine Velez. From Artists at Play ... at Play! (January 23, 2015), a special event to kick off our fifth year in Los Angeles theatre, featuring all-original pieces written by the AAP producers ...

Read the previous piece: Mikado Game Night

MARIE:

You Chose … Poorly

ALL: Let’s play!

[Cue projector: short clip from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade where the old guy is saying “he chose … poorly.” http://youtu.be/xCUwQIn3GrU]

[Marie sets music stand.]

MARIE: Whenever I have to make a decision, this clip immediately plays in my head. I am constantly thinking I have chosen poorly. And I’m talking about choices in everyday life.

Okay, so ask me what I want for dinner.

(AUDIENCE: What do you want for dinner?)

NO IDEA!

I like lots of food! Okay, so maybe I can decide between two choices, but throw in a third option? I’m useless.

So now I’ve been asking myself: Do I like too many things? Am I THAT afraid of commitment? Do these decisions really reflect on who I am as a person? Will I be judged? (Of course I am!)

Let’s say I choose pizza for dinner. Am I really feeling like pizza, or am I just choosing what’s easy? Am I now going to forever be identified as a pizza person? What if the pizza is bad? Will I lose any friends because I chose bad pizza?

So, here’s another example: OkCupid … is a nightmare. Too many choices. Too many unknown factors. Now, I can barely admit to myself that I even like someone, so how am I supposed to admit that to a computer screen or phone screen? What if that person is a big liar and they’re actually awful? I can’t take that risk! So, by not clicking that little “like” button on someone’s profile, I’ve just saved myself from a horrible relationship. LOGIC!

Okay, here’s one last story. One time, I did mushrooms--A LONG TIME AGO! My boss is here!--and once they kicked in, I became super scared to do anything. I could only handle the act of observing. I was also experiencing all of time and space at same time, so you can see where my brain was. So anyway, my dear friends had the crazy harmless idea to start painting watercolors on a notepad. And all I could think was how frightening that would be. What if I started painting, and then I accidentally painted a demon? And what if that demon came to life? So, naturally, I stood aside. But after witnessing the best art-making in my life, I finally worked up the courage to pick up a paintbrush. And that moment changed me forever. I finally understood visual art.

So maybe my real problem is that I’m paranoid! Is that something I am willing to commit to? Don’t mind me, I’m just going get off the stage now and evaluate the repercussions of choosing to share this with you. Especially the mushrooms.

ALL: CURTAIN!

[Cue transition music: “It’s Your Thing” - The Isley Brothers]

Read the next piece: I Totally Paused